i get entirely too analytical at night.

i probably could've fallen asleep 2 hours ago, but i have this thing where if i go to bed, i feel like i'll miss something. i realize this is completely ridiculous because there is literally nothing going on right now, no one online or anything... i think my mind is just twisted. you'd think i'd be upset because by staying up late i'm inadvertently also sleeping in a lot and therefore missing stuff then as well, and considerably more actually, but i just don't even think about it. i'm weird that way. i guess i really am a night owl. i haven't been able to fall asleep before 4 for about five nights now. maybe i'm just anxious for school to start back up again. i'll probably just blame it on that for now.

i go back up to school the 20th. less than 2 weeks! 11 days! also, i've noticed one of my worst habits is saying "back up to school." DC is south of me and yet i have never gotten the hang of actually saying it is haha. i guess "up" just sounds more natural to me. anyhoo. i'm really content at home at the moment but i am super, super excited to go back to school. i just miss the general atmosphere. (and my friends of course!!!) it's gonna be sad to have to say goodbye again to all the familiar faces i've gotten used to seeing though. today was my last day of work and i definitely was a little upset to have to say goodbye to people. it was a fun experience and the people were sweet so it was worth it. =] i am extremely happy that i don't have any work obligations for the next couple days though... i need to get my shit together for school. it takes me forever to pack. i think most of it will be mentally preparing though. gah, i hate saying goodbye to the kids at home... at least i'll see them over the holidays.

i reread my last entry before i wrote this one and since then, i've played guitar pretty much everyday. i'll pick it up to fool around with for a little and end up playing it for 3 hours without even noticing. i think i've made some significant progess. i think music therapy is my favorite kind. there's just something so freeing about completely losing yourself in what you're doing and not even noticing the tips of your fingers are peeling from playing for so long haha. it sounds gross but i don't mind it because i feel like it's a physical reminder of the progress i've made.

the one thing i'm kinda annoying myself with at the moment, (other than the whole over-analytical thing, which i guess this could've kinda tie into), is right now i feel like i'm kinda in escrow, so i keep not living in the moment and instead keep thinking of other stuff to look forward to. i'm in that awkward time period between home and school where i keep looking forward to school, and... other things i can't think of at the moment. i'm super excited for the 2 (count 'em! TWO!) jason mraz concerts i'm going to in october, but i feel like i have to push it out of my head because i definitely get fixated on certain events and excitement so much that i don't enjoy the moment as much in anticipation of a bigger one. i feel like i've gotten semi-better at this over the past year, but it's still a trait that annoys the crap out of me. living in the moment is such a precious and innate thing but i feel like i'm still just trying to get the hang of it.

this entry is kinda pointless but eh, when the mood strikes to write, i figure it's best to just probably give in.