[Brokeback's got me| contemplative]

so i literally haven't updated in 2 months.

i read my friends page religiously and i love to comment on everyone else's stuff, but i'm too lazy to update my own. i just finished my last high school homework assignment ever though and it got me thinking so i figured i'd finally use this thing again.

my last day of high school is tomorrow. it feels so surrealll. we've been talking about how the end was drawing near since junior year, and now my last day is tomorrow. fucking crazy. after that, the next 2 weeks are a blur of final events... prom, graduation, senior week... all things i'm super excited for, but almost not ready to accept that they're mine now. it's not some other class that's leaving, it's mine. i'm the one now who has to leave my friends, who has to figure out how to make new ones, who has to become acclimated to a new city when i've lived in the same one for 18 years, who has to say goodbye to everything i've ever been familiar with. people ask me where i'm going to college and i say "american university in washington dc." i actually have a response to that question now. everything's so final.

i hear stories of how people say high school was the worst time of their life and how i'll enjoy college so much because everyone loves college, which i don't doubt, but i have to say, high school has been one of the best times of my life. maybe it's because it's been one of, if not the sole, largely life changing/developing experiences i've ever experienced, but i really am going to miss it. yeah, i wanna get out there and experience the world, but i have to say i've been pretty content the past 4 years, making the best friends a girl could ask for and finding my place. i really truly love my friends and i've written "i don't know what i'm going to do without you" in so many yearbook entries, but it's only because it's so true. what do you do when the people you love are suddenly plucked from your life and you're put smack dab in the middle of the unfamiliar? don't get me wrong, i'm sure i'll love college and have the time of my life, no doubt, but i'm just going to miss what i love right now.

this sounds emo and i'm not really even in in that sad of a mood right now... just very self-evaluatory, if that's a word. there have been small changes throughout my life but nothing this massive and completely life altering is all.

i'm excited for what life is going to bring me, but i'm sad about what i have to leave behind.