so i will keep a deliberate pace, let the damned breeze dry my face, ooo mister, wait until you see
i think i'm a delusional person.

scratch that.

i KNOW i'm a delusional person. i tend to believe this for various reasons. for instance, in the past week i've had a dream about jason mraz almost every night lol. i suppose my subconscious is on overload. i've also recently gotten my guitar restrung and have been practicing several times a day to some avail. now this is not necessarily delusional, but i don't know what i expect from practicing so much and hoping to relearn the chords and get better. on the one hand, i know i would just like to revive some of the instrumental musicality in me that seemed to die a little after high school, but on the other hand, i feel that secretly i hope some notoriety will come to me from getting better. how? i have no idea. i don't even pretend to understand my own ideas and thoughts anymore lol. again, i feel that i am delusional because i don't even attempt to understand the oddness that is my brain. i'm easily amused and simplistic on the one hand, but also inherently complex and analytical on the other. this makes it all sound like i hate myself, but i don't haha! i enjoy myself. i amuse myself, (and hopefully others.) i'm just thinking. out loud. or out written. whatever, i don't know how to phrase that and don't feel like trying lol.

on wednesday, i will have been home from college for the summer for exactly 5 weeks. weird. i'm working and just chilling mostly. i've noticed recently that i really look forward to having time to do nothing but then when that time rolls around i don't know what to do haha. i usually end up just going out and hanging out with friends, but lately my artistic juices have been spiked. i guess this is where getting my guitar restrung comes into play. i think during school, despite the fact that i still sang and whatnot, the artsy side of my brain was considerably stifled in the way i chose to spend my time. hopefully this summer at home will open new floodgates for when i return to school in august. i've been doing the most random shit to satisfy the itch too. i found one of those crayola watercolor things that costs like 3 dollars in my room and runs colors everywhere and have been painting with it for fun a lot lately. it looks like a 7-year-old's work as i've never been much of a painter, but hey, some of us enjoy painting rainbows and trees with the watercolor kit we acquired at a young age, thank you very much.

i cleaned my room the other day. as messy as i am, i feel like my room in itself was kind of a canvas that needed to be redone. it helped to clear my head as well as my closet and the floor, a necessity on all three counts. for the first time since i've been home, i feel like i'm actually... well, home. i do find myself missing a lot about being back down at school, but there is a time for everything and i have decided that summer for me at this point in my life means being in delaware. nothing to do, hot as balls, working in a restaurant, but home to the location of my old friends and family delaware =].

ahhh, "halfway home" just came on my shuffle. what a wondrous song. it fits perfectly in the theme of this entry too. p.s., it's somewhat sad that even my ipod has recognized my jason mraz addiction. i'll leave you with a video of the song so i can spread the joy and analytical goodness. i think it has quickly become one of my favorite tunes in general.


hope summer is treating you all well and delighting you in either introspective or completely carefree goodness. =]